BY: Red Herrin
(This is a work of Satire. That means it makes fun of people. Just so you know)
Joint Press Conference: Senator Hillary Fearmonger and Donald Buildawall
(Media X-Fill in the blank) “Senator Fearmonger, in light of the fact that the Muslim Terrorist was a Homosexual, we in the media demand to know what you are doing to protect the American Public!”
(Sen Fearmonger) “Well, the American Public needs to know that I am pushing for a ban on all weapons, including paper clips and rubber bands, just in case one of them should fall in the hands of a Gay Muslim Terrorist.”
(Media X) “Mr. Buildawall, will that be enough?”
(Mr Buidawall): “No, that is a stupid thing to say. My moronic opponent just doesn’t get it. We need higher restroom walls with barbwire and guard dogs. Any idiot can see that!”
(Sen Fearmonger): “We all agree that more needs to be done to raise the fear level of the American public so that they will realize that it takes a village to defend an idiot. Remember, government issued guns don’t kill people, only privately owned guns kill people. So, if you see something, say something.”
Meanwhile, at the Homeland Security Hotline:
(Fearful Caller #1) “Hello, I think I see something.
(HS Operator) “And would you like to say something?
(Fearful Caller #1): “I am sitting at the bus stop and I think I see a Gay Muslim Terrorist.”
(HS Operator) “OK, don’t panic, does he have a Koran?”
(Fearful Caller #1) “Yes! I think I see a Koran!”
(HS Operator) “Ha ha! No worries my friend, homosexuality is against the Koran!”
(Fearful Caller #1) “Really? Phew! Thanks!”
(HS Operator) “Is their anything else I can make you afraid of today sir?”
(Fearful Caller #1) “No, I am good, I think I see my shadow.”
(HS Operator) ” OK, have a good day sir, and remember, if you are not afraid of something, you really don’t need us. So, stay fearful, OK?”
(Fearful Caller #1) “I will do my best! Thank God for TV and Hollywood! I don’t know how I would live in fear without them!”
(HS Operator) ” I will let them know they are appreciated. Just remember, if the Gay Moslem Terrorists don’t get you, Global Warming, Zika, Carjackers, and Christian Fundamentalists will! Have a distraction filled day sir!”
Beware of Gay Muslim Terrorists with Guns!